I have had some experiences where I have laid out all my cards on the table and all I got in return was hurt! Not to sound whiny but a lot of these painful experiences have changed my perspective or approach to communication in relationships. I am sure many people can relate to what I have just said.
I have been like this for so long I'm trying my hardest to bring that old girl back, who believed everything is roses and rainbows in love, then again that girl isn't in touch with reality ! (See what I did there lool ) The reality that relationships are a lot of work that require patience and understanding is the truth of the matter.
Here are some lessons I have learnt that could hopefully aid in your relations.
1.Honesty! Honesty! Honesty!
Yes ! good or bad you ought be honest in a relationship, you cannot be half in with this one because a foundation built on lies will fall even if it's one lie that house will have huge cracks.
2. #FilterForWhat?
Take each day at a time , communicate your feelings wether it's good or bad! Honesty is key I will say it again! This means if you feel like saying I love you two weeks in a relationship go for it or you just ain't feeling it anymore and you want out? go ahead and say it ! Seriously there is nothing worse than being inlove alone and we all know Hell has no comparison to the fury of a lover scorned. Do not play with someone's feelings !!! No filter required , this is not Instagram.
A male friend once said to me all you women talk about how they can handle the truth but in actuality they can't handle the truth! This is very true lool I'm afraid and I would be the first to admit my reaction might not be pleasant but one thing I guarantee is After all the tears there will always be mutual respect for your honesty!
3. Transperancy like a Glass
You need to be see through if you want a relationship to be long term from day 1. If you are a possessive lady and you have control issues own it from the get go. Believe it or not some men love controlling women. I was watching Basketball Wives Atlanta and there is a lady called Draya. Draya openly admits she is a snooper and possesive crazy girlfriend and she is happy with her man. The point I'm getting at here is no one likes to feel cheated if you buy baked beans you expect beans when you open the can not spaghetti hoops! To those with ears you already get my gist!
One of the biggest myths in relationships is that talking to your partner is communication. With all the things I have said above , I have championed talking in our relationships and now the other crucial parts are;
4.Stop &Listen
Believe me it's easy to waffle on especially in an argument and when you stop talking all you can think of is what you want to say in reply to what you are hearing or what you have not said yet which means you are not really listening. It's a skill to listen , a skill that is necessary to make any relationship work. There is a technique that therapists use when they are listening to their patients known as reflection , this is when they repeat what the client is saying to them by rephrasing , this technique can be annoying but it forces one to listen . You might look crazy but if you are a note taker go ahead and write them notes during your lovers debate so whatever helps to improve your listening skills Apply!!!
5. What are we talking about? Stay Focused!
I find it annoying when I hear about what I did last week to my bf in an argument , why didn't you say anything before? The danger of keeping unresolved issues is that they always escalade the smallest arguments. Even the bible says not to let the sun go down on your anger! No matter how small squash that beef before it becomes a cow !
I could go on about a few more things but I will leave that for a part two of this post. I will conclude by saying it's also important to pay attention to your body language,it says a lot before you have even uttered a word. How your body reads determines the way in which the other person responds to anything that follows out of your mouth.
If you have any tips on better comms leave a comment
cuz that's how Scarlet C's It!!!! 💋💋
Remember the perfect environment brings out the perfect conversation
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